i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
