Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
