I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
