please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
