I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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