How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
