Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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