you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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