She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
