You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
