he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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