My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
