Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
