you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
