I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
