Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
