They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
