i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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