my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
