WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
