his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
