Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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