he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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