I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
