I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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