I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
