I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
