They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i need some magic done to my vagina
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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