my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
