I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
