It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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