ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
