When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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