dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
