I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
