He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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