If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
