I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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