I wannas sexs uuuuu
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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