What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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