Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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