And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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