just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
