I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
