why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
