if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
