she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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