Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
