All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
