Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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