Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize