I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
