i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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