what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
