oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
