chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
