I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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