Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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