smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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