You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
