I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
