just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
