You're so nebulous sometimes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize