woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wear drunk well.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
