She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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