Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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