Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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