So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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