I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize