yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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