I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize