I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
