some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
