i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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