I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
